"Mommy, Mommy, its my turn to go with you!" Olivia urgently reminds me. We have started taking turns when we go to the beach. One on one time with our children has become harder and harder to pull off these days. They have figured out if they get up early enough we can more easily squeeze in a "date". Josiah had already been beach combing earlier with Dad. And now it was Olivia's turn.
So, we walk. We gaze. We let the morning sun warm our cheeks and feel the morning breeze chill our legs. Fishermen are already out with a trusty herron or two alongside to cherry pick from their catch. And we are searching.
"Ooooh, look at this one! It looks like a heart!" Olivia squeals with delight.
"Its broken though. Try to look for the ones without the holes." I reply, teaching her from years of experience in the craft of shell searching.
"But I like it." Olivia responds with disappointment.
Okay, you can't argue with that, can you?
"Okay put it in your bag." I reply.
Over and over again, she is drawn to the broken ones. I patiently point out the flaws and she tells me about the beautiful eye-popping colors and the redemptive new shape she sees formed by broken edges. And I realize its much like God with us. We can't impress Him with our flawlessness. He is drawn to our broken edges. He takes delight in our unique bold colors and non-uniform shapes. He isn't afraid of our brokenness, but rather drawn to it. He dwells with the broken and brings redemption to our flaws (Psalm 51:17). He takes what another calls broken and calls it beautiful, just like Olivia was doing this morning with her tiny treasures.
The sea is calm today. I remember the Sea of Glass that The Good Book says surrounds His Throne. It stretches for miles, and I try to picture a Man in the middle and multitudes leaning in for a glance.
A thought stirs inside that forms a knot in my throat and causes my eyes to water. Not only does He know the grains of sand on the seashore-every single one. But, He also knows the shells, every single one. Every single flawless one. Every single broken one. Even every single shell my Olivia would find today. He knows it all. He is God over the vast, endless spaces and God over the broken, tiny particles of sand. He is God over the countless miles of horizon and He knows each brightly colored shell along our path. This One, He is unsearchable, and yet He has invited us to search Him out.
On my heart tonight: "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge but whoever hates correction is stupid." Proverbs 12:1.
You heard it here, from the book that minces no words-if you hate correction you are unwise (in nicer, more palatable terms). Of course we can examine what this means a little further and realize the author was saying "God's correction is good, why despise it?! "
So often we can lump any negative feelings we have in the same pile. Bad feelings=bad and that must mean there is nothing God wants to show us in them. It's true, it might be just a passing wind or an onslaught from our enemy. But God could also want to show us something within them. The only way to find out is to ask HIM. We can DO NOTHING without Him (John 15:5). So we need His help to examine these emotions. But we would rather not. Or we would rather "think our way through it". Or we would rather push it all away. We do this because we don't know how to handle the way we have known correction in the past. It was either too harsh, without mercy or too light. And because there is no perfect human authority figure we are all on some variance of that scale. But, there was a man who was perfect. He embodied all that is good. He has a Father who likes to bestow on us good gifts. His Spirit loves to lead us gently, but very specifically when we ask Him. He loves to pick us back up again when we mess up and lead us into a life of right thinking and behaving that is life giving and full of joy. We can be really hard on ourselves. And the enemy is always looking to condemn us too. So sometimes its much easier just to put all those negative emotions in a pile and say "forget about it!" But, I believe if we hold God's hand and ask Him to help us, we can find some real jewels of His correction in that pile of "you know what". We might find lies lurking behind those emotions, empowering them. We might find behavior and thinking that needs His readjusting and correction. Let that pile be the fertilizer from which we mine His truth. It is worth examining those emotions to find the root.
For example. you might be feeling criticized by others, but why not examine the root? Maybe it's because you yourself have been critical of others in your thoughts? Or maybe there is still a root of un-forgiveness there? When we hold harsh judgement against others it holds true we will actually experience that harsh judgement for ourselves. (Matthew 6:14)
And guilt? is it always something to just toss away?? No we need to examine it. Is it God actually telling us there is something not right in our behavior? If we know God's awesomely good nature we trust He will be very specific and gentle to show us if we need to change something when we ask Him. (Luke 11:13 ) When we toss out these feelings too fast rather than go to the root we actually could toss out God's conviction or correction. By learning to examine these feelings more closely and ask the Faithful Holy Spirit to guide us, we will become ones who love discipline. That's where I want to be!
Ever learning and growing to Love His correction. Its hard to embrace, but He's worth it!
(In a follow-up blog I will post some truths from Margaret Thoerkelson and a teaching she did on discerning between God's voice and the enemy's. We can know exactly whose voice we are hearing and how to avoid pitfalls of deception)
