"NOOOOOOOOOO . . . " I had been hearing it all week out of my 4 year old's mouth. Was it just a rebellious streak he was on? Was it because it was the last week of preschool and his sadness over the end of the school year was coming out in anger against me? Was he just testing me? His magnet on his "Obedience Race Track" hadn't budged in at least 7 days. We were at a standstill, like an old western film show down, Daniel on one side of the ghost town and me at the other, waiting for the other one to give up in surrender. Well what does any good parent do in a time like this?
Take 'em out for waffles of course.
That wasn't all I did. But, I felt the need to connect in a deeper way with my son hoping to find some clue as to why he was acting out. I wanted to let him know my love and enjoyment of him hadn't changed, even though his behavior had. We had a great time, laughing together. We talked about what it meant that God was our Abba, Our Daddy. He loves and even adores us even in our maddest, worst, most rebellious place. His love doesn't shift like our behavior can. I felt like this was the ticket. And if it wasn't the ticket, maybe at least it was the turning point.
But after school, the behavior continued. Finally, at one point after the 5th or 6th time out, I remembered what we had discussed that morning. I looked straight into the angry, distorted face of my preschooler and said, "Daniel we really, really love you. Abba really loves you RIGHT NOW. We know you have what it takes to obey fast. We know you can do it."
And something clicked. The light turned on. Something broke. Life was spoken right in the midst of discipline. Confidence was imparted. Budding righteousness was affirmed. New identity was received. And Daniel's out ward behavior shifted because he received his inner identity.
"Yes Dad."
"Sure, Mom."
"Okay, I will do it."
And right there, God revealed something very important.
It is the same with us. It's only after we receive our inner identity that our outward behavior can really change. Just like Daniel, we need to know we are enjoyed and loved right where we are. God's love for us never moves or shifts, even in the midst of discipline or testing. Daniel's behavior wasn't accepted, but He was still held tight in the Father's grip. And it's the same with us. His wasn't the identity of disobedience, even though that was how he was acting. His was the identity of a beloved Son. And so is ours.
"God calls the things that are not as though they are." Romans 4:17
In the place of testing, discipline, and disobedience is where we need to tune our ear the most. Its here that we need to learn to hear the voice of our Abba, and shut out the voice of the condemnation. We need to hear The Father tell us of His unwavering affection and love that beckons us to get back up when we fall. We need to let him fan into flame the smoldering embers residing on the inside whispering to us that we are indeed "more than over comers" (Romans 8:37).
"A tender reed He will not break . . ." Matthew 12:20. The writings of a weak mom daily learning to lean on her One True King.
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