From a Worker to a Friend

      It was 1993 and it was my first ever experience at a Young Life Camp.  After the bazillion hour bus ride with 60 other teens, I groggily woke from my Dramamine induced coma to realize that we had indeed arrived at Lake Champion, a camp located in upstate New York.  For some reason, I was nominated to be the first of two red-eyed weary travelers to be sent down the camp's famous zip line which ended in the muddy bottom lake.  They shuffled us off the bus and didn't tell us why.  I realized what was happening when they started strapping the harness on my legs and saw the view of the water from  high up in the trees.  With fear and trembling, I jumped off the platform and screamed the entire length of my "ride" that ended in the squishy, mushy brown-bottomed lake. . .

      I realize now the above picture was a lot like how my relationship with God was.  He surprised me with amazing mind-blowing grace, chose me (which was shocking that He even cared or new my name, much like being chosen off a bus of 60 teens).   And at camps and church events I would hit a high, but when I had to go back to "real life" it would feel like I went straight into the mire and muck in spiritual sense.   Don't get me wrong.  I LOVED Young Life.  They discipled me and taught me how to even have a "quiet time".  But something was wrong with me and the way I perceived God and His desire for me to pray.

     Somehow I was skipping over a BIG reason Christians even do pray.  For me, sometimes, it was another "notch in the belt" of my list of things I could say I did FOR God.  I did my "quiet times" and developed discipline in doing so, but I can't say that I enjoyed it.  I knew as a Christian I was to love others, share Jesus with people I knew and stay away from "bad things".  Thankfully, God gave me a sweet group of friends in high school who encouraged this lifestyle so staying away from underage drinking and sex outside marriage was way easier.

   But, in all that mix, I didn't realize the primary reason God wanted me to pray was because He enjoyed me!  He wanted to continue with what started that night in 7th grade when I realized He existed and that He loved me (after He answered a prayer even I had forgotten I'd prayed).  He wanted me to continue to receive His love and give it back to Him.  He wanted me to continue to stand in awe of Him and His joyful heart and immense love for me, even in my deepest weakness.

     God wasn't just looking for workers and laborers for His Kingdom.  He didn't just "hook me in" and then ratchet up the list of duties once He got me in the door.  Prayer time wasn't about me just seeing how much I failed in comparison to what He really wanted me to accomplish, which is honestly sometimes how it felt for me.  He wanted prayer time to be primarily about knowing Him.  He wanted me to know Him . . . well.  He wanted me to first and foremost encounter Him in my quiet times and as I read His Word.  And the same still stands . . .He isn't just looking for laborers to give His duties to, but He wants True Worshippers and Lovers.


    How did things change?  How did I change my focus?  While in college the weight of condemnation continued to increase in my life until I just couldn't take it anymore.  I sought prayer from others, went through deep inner healing prayer and listened to helpful Bible teachers.   I realized it was possible to read the Word and ENJOY God at the same time.  I learned that I could take small portions of scripture that displayed God's character and meditate (say them over and over again, write them a lot).  Also, Worshiping God became a great way for me to enjoy Him and realize what He was speaking over my life.  Many of the 90's worship songs coming out were centered around God's character and nature.  Things began to shift in my mindset and slowly I saw myself as loved and cherished by God, rather than just a "worker bee" in His Kingdom.  He didn't NEED me, but He WANTED me with Him as I joined Him in the work He was already doing.  This King wanted more than a worker, He wanted me to be His friend.